Def: Orphan A child whose parents are dead. Oxford English Dictionary.
Sorry not been writing for a while. I had to process, a lot of changes in my life. But as you might have gathered via other media, my mum is now in heaven. She has left this mortal coil. I have apparently lost my mum.
It is funny the expressions we use when someone has died. But I contest I have not lost her. I know where she is. She is in my heart. Which is where she will remain. If it suits others to think of her in another place, so be it. I do often joke that I now have another person on the “other side”. Someone to have a word in God’s ear if I need something. But not sure I really believe it.
Close to when my mum died a few other famous folk followed her. Sir Roger Bannister he of the 4 minute mile. Stephen Hawking major physicist, and finally Ken Dodd. He was a comedian/singer my mother loved. If there is an “other side” he will be there making her laugh and she will enjoy hearing him sing again. Many childhood holidays, were spent watching Ken Dodd and his Diddy men on stage doing summer season. If true, she will also be with my dad and her daughter Anne. Some people find this very comforting. Again, if it is true, I am sure my mum will be happy. It is nice to think of them all together. Not sure I want them as a greeting party when I go though.
But now I find I am an orphan in the world and I feel it. It is a dramatic turning of the page where I am now that generation in my family with other members below me. My aunty realised at 80 that she is now the matriarch. Not sure this appeals to her. No parents. No one to go to, to share things with or keep things from. It feels odd but oddly releasing. I am now free to do what I like, when I like, with whom I like without the sanction of my parents wishes or feelings getting in the way. It is indeed freedom. Freedom at age 56.
The funeral was the funeral. A catholic ritual complete with a number of priests, hymns and incense. My mother would have loved it and that is the important bit. One hymn did get to me and I did cry, but that is acceptable at these things. Although not sure my nephew, sat next to me, knew what to do with me.
On to the crematorium and while we waited my great nephew aged 6 entertained all by asking the funeral lady all about cremations. “So, will grandma get burned then?” “Why wont the whole building burn down?” “Where do you put the ashes?” Bless the lady she answered him honestly and with respect to the occasion. But he did lighten the mood and my mum would have smiled.
So we move on. I returned home to Somerset and live my life with doggie Lola who arrived at just the right time. I am an orphan but I now have a really good friend.